Friday, June 15, 2007

Squeaky Clean

Why is it that when a TBM first finds out that you no longer believe in everything "mormon" that their first reaction is that you just can't live the righteous life... meaning that you have problems with the word of wisdom or you're having an affair or you don't like your church calling so your rebelling.

I understand why, because I used to be the same way. Back then I couldn't fathom why someone would "know" the truth and decide not to live it. The thing that bothers me about this now is that I haven't changed anything in my life other than the fact that I don't think the same as I used to.

I've never touched alcohol. I've never smoked. I've never touched drugs. I had a very sheltered life, and still do, growing up in Utah and still living in Utah. All of my friends growing up were TBM and where good influences on me. I went on a mission and arrived home with marriage plans already set. I asked her to marry me within two weeks of my return , with honor of course, and we were married in the temple a couple of months later.

I've had a squeaky clean existence up until now, and nothing is going to change. So why do TMB's automatically assume your the newly ordained prodigal son?

My honest feeling is that its a sense of self righteousness in TBM's. TBM's have a tendency to think that they are the most righteous on earth, being a member of Gods one and only true church, and anyone who thinks differently are subhuman. TBM's see those who have turned from the "truth" as a very special sub-species of subhumans, even to the point that they will condemn you to hell at any moment because they know your eternal fate and they would rather hasten your casting into Hell and get it over with so they don't have to look at you any longer.

I might be exaggerating because I haven't told anyone about myself, but I have witnessed it with others. I have several family members who didn't exactly leave the church, but they did go off the deep end; drinking and drugging and stuff like that. Once, there was even a drug bust at my families home. Its always nice when there is a drug bust at the Stake presidents house.

All of them eventually "came back" and I know that it took a great deal out of my mother and father due to the stress while trying to get them back. I don't want to put them through that with me. Especially since I'm the only one that has "kept the faith". (Maybe I'll post about my conflicting feelings about that later.)

Am I even close? Am I dead wrong? What do ya'll think?


Sister Mary Lisa said...

I think the church fosters a real mindset within the members of being "elite" and better than others. How many times were you admonished to "be an example" at all times, because non-members were watching, and even if they didn't admit it, they admired you for being so "good."

This whole thing implies that you are up here and they are below you.

There are countless ways in which the church fosters the mindset that they are most worthy/good/righteous/knowledgeable/faithful/religious/yada yada yada.

I'm ashamed to say I also thought similar thoughts of my family members who went inactive. Now I'm the only one who actually disbelieves the "truthfulness" of the church. And I'm highly ashamed of how I judged them. What a schmuck I was!


paranoidfr33k said...


Another aspect I'm finally understanding, is the fact that you are so good as long as you do all of the one million things you are supposed to do on a daily basis for the sake of the church, but if you don't, you are looked down on and made to feel lower and lower.

Its nice to finally feel like I can do what I please and I don't feel like I'm a sinner, hell bound, just because I wanted a Mountain Due Code Red on Sunday.

I'm done with looking over my shoulder every minute of the day wondering if I live up to the same standard that all of my neighbors purport to esteem to.